Sick and Tired
by Miss Lady Rin
Summary: Losing him truely was something he couldn't handle. -------- MalikxMarik. -------- Based off the song Candle Sick and Tired by the White Tie Affair. -------- Rated for cursing and suicide. -------- My first YuGiOh fic published.


**AN (part 1): **

**Kay... well... I was really bored so I started to listen to music... and like many things do, it got me THINKING. Wow, right? Me thinking? Anyway, I made a story up in my head while listening to Candle (Sick and Tired) by The White Tie Affair. I loooove those guys. Anyway, I decided the story was pretty good... and lo and behold I decided to write it down. Yeah. So... enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own YuGiOh OR The White Tie Affair or their songs... (although, that might be nice...).**

* * *

Marik laid in bed staring up at his ceiling. It was dark in his quiet sanctuary, except for a small flickering candle on his nightstand. It was a leftover memorial candle from the ceremony. He took a small, shaky breath again and pulled his arms tighter around him. _Oh God... the ceremony..._

As the thoughts from the ceremony filled his tired mind, he couldn't help but let the river of tears escape. He considered the dam broken. There was nothing to hold back the waterworks anymore. His head felt so heavy. His mind just wanted to shut down. He felt like he had aged decades within the last twenty four hours.

Malik, the love of his life, was dead.

Marik's body, although strong and muscular, shook with pain and regret as he sobbed for the millionth time that day.

Malik was gone. Gone. Forever. In the ground. Six feet under. Pushing up daisies.

And it was **all **_his_ fault.

Sure, everyone knew Malik and Marik fought a lot. They fought like an old married couple. But that was normal. They were in _love._ It happened. Even the most passionate of lovers fought.

This time, this fight, it was worse. Things got out of hand. Leave it to Marik to say things he didn't mean.

_"Ah... Malik... The things you do to me are magic." Marik snuggled Malik as they laid next to each other, sweaty, after another all-nighter. "And you're all mine. All mine to please me. And vise-versa, of course." He purred. He _had _meant that as a compliment, but by the look on Malik's face, it wasn't taken that way._

_"Is that all you think about?" Malik had asked. "I mean... all you ever talk about is the sex between us... Don't you ever just want to talk about something else? Not how good of a fuck I was?" He frowned._

_"Of course! I talk about sex when the time calls for it. Like after we do it." Marik said, starting to get confused. Yes, he would even admit, he could be very dense sometimes... Very hard at understanding other people, too._

_"But most of the time, when you do talk, that's what you talk about." Malik said, his brows furrowing together. "Hmmm... I guess that's meaning that all we ever do is have sex..." Malik frowned more. "Which, speaking of, we need to do more with our relationship! The way this is going... this is barely anything more than a fling! A simple, physical attraction. You do want to take this farther with me, right?"_

_"Uhm... Why don't we talk about this some other time, Malik..." Marik suggested. He was a bit __tired, and confused as is._

_"Why are you avoiding the subject?" Malik asked. "You don't want to take this anywhere, do you...?"_

_"Yeah but...-" Malik was glaring heavily at him._

_"But what?!" Malik growled._ _"You're just avoiding the subject, hoping I'll forget about it like some blonde, stupid, mindless whore, right?" He hissed."Do you even care about what I think half the time, Marik?" Malik shouted at him, crawling out of bed, grabbing his clothes, and slipping back into them. "I'm nothing but a body to fuck, to you! I don't have a mind, do I? You are so selfish!" Malik cried. "You're afraid if we take this farther, you're going to lose all your sex time. That's all you want. Sex! You don't love me!"_

_Marik stared at him, confused. "No... Malik... I _do _love you." He said. "I'm... I'm sorry!"_

_"What are you sorry for?" Malik asked, glaring at Marik._

_"..." Marik couldn't answer. What was he sorry for? Malik just started flipping out. He was confused. His mind was fuzzy, flickering on and off, on and off; static-y. Like a tv without cable._

_"You can't even answer! You don't KNOW! You should know! If you loved me, you would know!If you truly loved me, you would know my thoughts better. You would know, and you would try to fix it! You would talk to me about it! You'd try to get in my head and fix it from the inside out! You'd try to get to know my mind. But, alas, all you know is my body! You don't care!!!" Malik growled. _

_"No... Malik... listen to me! I... I don't know! I don't know what it's like to have a relationship or any of this... I don't know how to love-"_

_"Are you saying you don't _love_ me, Marik? You don't love me anymore?" Malik had a look of utter shock, then pure anger. His small frame shook. "Fine then! FINE! This is the LAST straw, Marik. I knew it would happen all along. I knew it. I KNEW it. But I went against my better judgment and fell in love with you. FUCK IT! I'm leaving, Marik. Don't come after me. Go find someone else to fuck. Go find someone else to manipulate. Stay out of my life!" Malik stormed out the door, ignoring Marik's every plea and every word at explanation._

_Malik was the victim in this, Marik kept telling himself. Malik must have something on his mind. Malik must be having a hard time with something..._

_Marik growled at himself. If that was the case, why didn't he ask what was wrong? What was wrong with him! Sure, he was bad at relationships, but he wasn't THIS totally out of whack not to know when something was bothering someone._

_Or maybe... Did Marik really think this way? That he didn't want to take their relationship farther...? Did Malik read thoughts that even Marik didn't know he had?_

_Marik shivered. He was scaring himself. He debated on going out after Malik, but then decided against it. He'd give him time to think... Time to cool off... He left Malik a quick message on his cell phone, which was still turned off, then he turned over, pulled the covers up all around him, and closed his eyes, letting sleep take him._

_The next morning, Marik went down to his kitchen table and found a note, along with a message blinking on his phone. He read the note, his hand shaking._

**_Dear Marik,_**

_**I can't believe you. How could you do such a thing? I put my trust in you! I gave you my heart, and you stepped on it. All I wanted was to take our relationship a bit farther. I wanted more with you... Maybe I'm a bit selfish too. You rubbed off on me... But is a stronger relationship that much to ask? It would benefit us both!**_

_**Whatever. You don't care. You're probably happy. You can go back to your old style of having someone new every week. You won't have me to hold you down. I won't be your anchor anymore.**_

_**-Malik.**_

_Marik growled and slammed his fist on the table. He hoped the phone message was an apology. He just needed time to explain. Marik was beyond angry at himself. He feared how things might turn out if he didn't have Malik..._

_Marik pressed the button on his phone, held it up to his ear, and listened to the phone message._

"**_Marik... I'm so sorry..."  
_**_(Marik breathed a sigh of relief)  
_**_"But I can't do this anymore."  
_**_(Marik then began to hold his breath. He didn't care if he face turned purple or not. This was not what he wanted to hear)_

"_**You and I both know we had something special. We need each other. Well... maybe you don't need me, as you made clear last night, but I need you! I need you like I've never needed anyone before... and... if I can't have you... I can't move on. I can't do anything more... I'm stuck... I'll never love again. The memories of us will never fade, face it, you know it too. I'm sorry... All I ever wanted was to love you. I just wanted to be in love with you. I wanted to grow closer to you in every, and any, way. I'll miss you. Please... don't cry for me. Make sure my friends stay strong. Just tell them I was having other problems... I could never blame you for this...**_

_**I'll see you again someday, I hope... Marik... I love-"**_

_Marik hit the button on his phone and ended the voice mail playback. He was shaking all over. That... that was a suicide message... Malik... Malik had..._

_"NO!" Marik slipped on shoes, grabbed his keys and drove to Malik's old apartment. As he was on his way, he got a phone call._

_"M-ma-mar-rik!" It was Ryou's voice, clearly upset. "Marik,... Ma-li-lik... Malik... is-s..." His voice broke, and Marik dropped his phone and slammed on the breaks. A car behind him swerved, then passed him, honking its horn._

_"No..." Marik whispered, growing pale. It felt like his bones had melted and leaked out of his body. His brain shut down. His heart was engulfed in pain. His eyes filled with tears, and Marik broke down._

_The ceremony was two days later at a local funeral home. Most of the school attended. There was all sorts of family; cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents... His parents too, of course. Marik's family attended, as did his friends' families, or at least some of them._

_Marik read a long, heartfelt eulogy. He had broken down multiple times while reading it. _

_He went last to see Malik's body. His body was resting in a black coffin, lined and engraved with beautiful silver. Marik stared down at his still body. Malik's beautiful face, now pallid with death, was still framed by his soft, platinum blonde hair. He stroked his cold, smooth cheek lovingly. His body was still perfectly intact, because he had ended his life with a drug overdose. If he didn't know any better, Marik could mistake him as sleeping, except for his pale skin status. He looked so peaceful. He hoped he had been in a peaceful state of mind when he died... Marik just hoped he went to heaven... He wished he could be with him someday... He prayed the angels were with him... He prayed he was being taken care of..._

_Marik's tears streamed down his face and he shook with grief. How could he be so stupid? He pushed his lover over the edge... This was all his fault... He'd have to live with this on his conscience for the rest of his life..._

_Or would he...?_

That thought brought Marik back to the present. Malik had ended his life... Really, anyone could do it. Marik, without Malik next to him, felt like nothing. He was nothing. His life would be meaningless... So why not chase Malik into the dark? He wanted to be next to him, wherever they both went... He would die eventually... Why not speed up the process?

Marik shut his eyes in pain. Would he really leave his friends like that...? But... Malik had done it... And... Life went on, sometimes... None of them were really all the best of friends... Besides, they would understand, wouldn't they?

Marik thought they would. They were all in love... They'd probably agree with his decision... As long as they had their lovers by their sides, they would be able to move on...

Marik let out another shaky breath.

It had to be done.

He had no choice.

Sometimes love called for drastic measures...

Marik picked up a piece of paper and began to write.

_**Dear friends,**_

_**I love you all dearly. You know I do, no matter how much I may lack in showing it.  
I also loved Malik. Those of you close to me know just how much I loved him, or, at least, you had an idea.**_

_**I could never put my love for Malik into words. None of the words in my eulogy for him could ever express how I felt for him, or the sorrow I feel now for being separated with him.**_

_**That is why, my dear friends, I must leave you. I need to be with him. Without him, my life has no meaning. There is no reason for me to get up in the morning. There is no reason for me to succeed. So what good is a life like that?**_

_**I must end my life. I must guide him to the promised lands... I cannot bare the thought of him being scared and alone on his journey to whatever good land he may go to. I must help him. I must show him my love.**_

_**With your lovers by your sides, please, do not weep for me. Remember all the good times, and move on. I will always think of you all...**_

_**I'll even put in a good word for you with the Big Guy, if I meet him.**_

_**I can never forget the times we've shared.**_

_**I will see you all again someday.**_

_**I'm sorry...**_

_**-Marik.**_

Marik sobbed a bit as he opened up the drawer in his nightstand. He pulled out a pill bottle. An overdose of painkillers would do the trick. As he uncapped the lid, he sat the note on the pillow next to his and fixed himself neatly on his bed. He emptied the contents of the pill bottle into his hand, threw back his head, and dumped them into his mouth, swallowing with a grimace.

He laid back his head on his pillow, crossed his arms over his chest, and closed his eyes. He thought about his friends and cried, smiling a bit through the tears.

He waited as death's cold kiss finally touched his lips, the essence of life was drained from his being, and his soul moved on to bigger and better things. He'd finally be with his beloved.

On the nightstand, the candle that had been burning since Marik had gotten home from the ceremony finally flickered out with the last of the candle being burnt away.

"Somebody turn the lights on,  
Somebody tell me what's wrong,  
I'd be lying if I told you,  
Losing you was something I could handle.

Somebody turn the lights on,  
Somebody tell me how long,  
All this darkness will surround you,  
Cause I'm burning for you,  
Burning like a candle."

**AN (part two): **

**Kay! There you have it! **

**Yes, I do realize all the stories I publish are suicidal. I'm sorry. I'm a sadistic bitch who finds beauty in death. Deal with it. I'm also a crackhead who will publish her crack fics eventually. T___T; **

**Anyway, tell me what you think, if you feel like it. Favorite it maybe even! (Honestly, I could care less. I write for me, and that's that. Sometimes I'll write for my friends... sometimes... And sometimes I'll take requests. This would be the time to give me a request -in your review maybe- )**

**Blah. I don't know how to end these things so... Yeah...**

**Go listen to some music, you deprived children! P;**

**And don't be suicidal. That's not good... ___**

**Rinny out, yo~! 3**


End file.
